personal stories
november
2002


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One cannot fully understand the depths of depression. It's as if you leave one world to enter your own. The realm of depression is scary, it doesn't let you live. At first we are all scared about what's happening to us mentally and we try to shy away from it, but it's not possible.

We try to pretned it's not there and that we can go on with our daily selves, but deep down we know we can't. The people around us don't know what's going on. It becomes something that we want to hide from others because it's a way to hide from it ourselves.

Depression can be painful, but it can also provide you with comfort. It can suck you into this world, where although you're afraid, you find comofort in solitude. Many people go through depression, but not every depression is the same. You become removed from the world and are well aware that many question what's wrong. You push people away because it feels right. Somehow you are not good enough to be around others anymore. No matter what you do or where you go, nothing is important anymore. I have been suffering from this illness for the past eight years.

Contact me: aigi118@aol.com

 

Hi, my name is Latasha. I live in Tennessee i have no mother or father and I live in a foster care home.

I am 13 years old the friends I hang out with are like my family even though people say they are the reason I'm in the mess. I have a 5 month old child, she is in the hospital now because of the drugs and alcohol I put in my system.

My friends have helped me through all the pain I have been going through; I almost killed my child while in the process of killing myself when I was in my 4th month. I took about 12 pills to get through all the pain I was going through.

The father of my baby is in prison right this second, he is in there because he raped me. I met my mother before. Once she came to visit me in the hospital after the delivery of my child. After we talked, I never saw her again.

Just a couple weeks ago I was caught trying to kill myself by my foster parents. They say that if I stay with my foster parents when my child gets out of the hospital, I will be able to keep her.

I'm not in school because I'm trying to find work and save money for when my baby gets out so I can buy her diapers and things. If I can stand being without my child for any longer and my real family I'll try to deal with my problems.

If you want to e-mail me you can at: ajwalks@aol.com

 

I guess you could say alot of things came easy to me in my life.  I got good greats, did decent in sports.  I had friends, at least I thought I did.  I thought I had alot of friends.  I could always talk to them and they'd always tell me there problems until one day my whole life came crashing down.

"She is talking about you."  "She said she couldn't stand you anymore."  I heard rumors and everything.  I finally figured out those friends in my picture frames and the people I always used to talk highly about weren't my friends.  I realized that everyone was two-faced.  All my friends talk about eachother behind their backs.   I mean I did it to people to, I'm not denying that. 

I just felt so awful because I felt that I had no true friends, real friends, or a best friend.  I felt like I had nothing.  Friends don't talk behind your backs and talk smack about you.  I felt awful and all I could do was cry.  I slammed all my pictures of my friends to the ground.  My walls were empty.  My friends were my life, they are what I lived for. 

Then I did something I never do.  I went and hugged my mom.  She said to me "welcome to the real world, might I say 'fake'."  She was so right, this world is fake and so is everyone in it including myself.  The world is so superficial and fake now.  No one has a best friend, they may think they do, but they really don't. 

I don't know what to do anymore because I feel like I can't tell anyone anything anymore without other people knowing.  I will search for a true friend out there because I'm looking for one so there must be someone out there looking for me, right?

-Michelle-