personal stories
june
2002


 

as i was reading some of the stories about girls that have been molested
or abused and nothing like that has ever happened to me...my problems
started off at the end of the yr 2001 and the start of 2002 it all happend
when i recived my class agenda and found that i had art and as i walked
into the class nothing struck me more than this guy in the back of the
classroom cutting himself with a knife the teacher had passed out for
sculpting i never really understood why people cut themselves but i never
gave much thought into it either well to get back to my story he caught my
eye as i walked in it wasn't that he was cutting myself but i was imediatly
attracted to him and i tryed to hide it from myself and as months past one
of my best friends went out with him and i was hurt thats when i realized that
i liked him a lot when they broke up i was very excited and sad for my friend at
the same time and me and him started talking after their break up and i found
out so much about him i mean he was so sensative and had so many problems
to as we talked more i expressed my feelings towards him and he told me
that he didnt have the same feelings towards me so i was a little hurt but i
got ever it but still liked him as the internet got boring to us we started talking
on the phone everyday and to hear his voice i loved as time passed he started
acting like a horse's ass(parden my speech) and was just mean as that was
happening i slowley started to "punish" myself i would cut myself with knives i
would break mirrors and use them to hurt myself. all my friends warned me
how bad it was, but i couldnt stop i it seemed i was really getting out of sorts.
As days and weeks went by i started to carve his intials on my wrists. my friends
started getting worried and they talk to him and he said he would talk to me
but never did then it got so bad that i had no were on my arms to cut so i moved
to different parts then it just got out of control and my friends told him again and
this time he just laughed and said " not my problem" that was it that was the last
straw i couldnt take it anymore i started getting addicted to sleep aides and would
take 6-7 because i just wanted to sleep and never wake up.One day i couldn't take it
anymore and i seriously tryed to kill myself but it didn't work, and with that i got more
and more depressed with that. then one day i just decided to cut off any communication
with him everything and all of it no computer no phone after i did that i was still sad
because i still was in "like" with him and could do anything about it1 yesturday i was
in a chat room for depressed people and they thought that i would be best if i told my
mother and she got me help because two days before a computer counselor said that i
had syptoms of depression so i did it i told my mom and she took it like i thought she
would she cryed then said lets get a coke and talk we talked about why i did it and if i
would do it agian and i swear to her i wouldn't and i have found it very hard. aslo i am still
in like with that guy but i dont think i will ever try to persue a relationship with him because
i tend to take on people problems and he has a lot of them that i dont need to have as well
as mine

~~~~~~anna~~~~~~

 

Well I don't exactly know how to start this but I guess I will just blab it all out this way.
My name is Jen, I'm 12, almost 13 (I tell people both depending on when it is) and Ihave
had problems since the time Iwas 4 and my grandfather molested me. 

I am still dealing with it now, but besides that i have had multiple problems with guys, from my dad being
an "abuser" (as my mom says) to me and needing me because he's the father and I'm the
daughter, to my ex-boyfriend, Chris hiting me because i liked his friend and wasn't even going out with
him. He was a lot older than me and always had his way, I guess Ihad it coming. 

Well, then it brings me to my mom, she's great, I moved in with her last oct/nov and have been having
a lot easier time then ever before. But Ialso cut and burn myself, I have for about a year
and just can't stop. It helps me so much Idon't think I would be able to go on without doing
it. I have scars on my legs and arms where Icut myself, and know Ishouldn't but I
don't know what else to do. Isee a counselor but Idon't think she's helping me anymore
and this summer I will be going to a day-program for people that cut themselves. I don't think
Ineed it though, they all just scare me to think that Iam that bad. I just thought of it as a
thing Idid to help me relax. Is there something wrong with me?  Idon't even think my story
is that important so Idon't know why i'm writing it but right now Iam and that's all Ican say
I guess.

*<3 Jen <3*