|Hi, Im going to begin from
the first event that contributed to my depression to the
current date. When I
was 3 my brother was diagnosed with Epilepsy . So my parents had to give him all of this extra attention.
Constantly watching him. Doing special things for him. Stuff like that. When I was 5 years old I was
molested by my neighbor. My parents didnt file a police report. I cant remember why I just know that
they didnt. Since my brother had Epilepsy he was harassed at school a lot. So he came home and yelled
at my mother and I. My brother hated me because he said I had a chance to be normal and he didnt.
In the beginning it just verbal
abuse. If I said something wrong he would freak and
scream at me.
Towards the end of first
grade I was involved in a car accident. I was sitting in
the front seat of a car
About a year later I was
seeing a different counselor. My mind races and I have a
hard time concentrating, there
I know all of the
effects of it. But Im so afraid of getting fat that
I dont want to eat. Some people say that you should
A few years ago my
brother jumped on my back. He weighs about 300 pounds. My
back hurt like hell. I went to the doctor.
I dont mind
kissing but anything more than that gives my this creepy
feeling. I swear no guy understands that. Or at least any
|Hey, I never noticed this section
before cos I use a direct link to the poetry forum but
since I've noticed it I felt I should add my bit but well
yeah. I don't know when I became depressed or if I even
am. I do know that two years ago, my friend started
having problems and cutting herself and stuff and we were
very close and I just started doing it.. I don't know why.
I've never really had any problems in my life... I mean,
I always hated myslef and my body and I have a memory of
when I was about 10 and I used to scratch my thumb with a
drawing pin for some odd reason but anyway.
I started cutting with scissors on my legs... it didn't look so bad as my friends big gashes that I used to help her bandage everyday, just little scratches. No-one knew. Then things got worse. I did this shit for over a year. I also took the odd overdose on painkillers but never anything major. Then in January 2001 my anorexic friend (yes we;re a very fuct up group!) got sent to a clinic in London and I felt i had no-one as my other friend kinda went off. One morning I dont know why but i just took about 40 of these precription pills I had for my stomach (it used to get all knotted up from stress). I was in school throwing up and hallucinating and all this shit. It was the scariest thing ever. Then a few weeks later my friend was allowed to visit us for the weekend and we were all going bowling but i had a row with my parents and they said I couldnt go so I overdosed on the pills again.
This time really really badly. It scared the life out of me. After all this crap I figured suicide wasn't right as if it was I would have gone by now. I carried on cutting but then I started hanging around with a new group and I got a boyfriend and by about July I had stopped cutting altohether. Since then I cut quite a bit but hadn't since Novemberish 2001. That is, until last week. I don't know why I did it, I was drunk. I was putting away the dishes and the knives were just there. I'd never done it with knives before but I mauled the back of my hand. Luckily I have pet rats so I guess my mum assumed it was that.
Then i got drunk on saturday and I was happy but for some reason I wasnt. I dont know. I just picked up these razor blades I had and scratched my neck. I also keep having "episodes" and moodswings and shit. I dont know whats started it all off again,. one of my friends reckons its cos I've left school and theres no routine in my life. I dont really hang out with anyone either so im stuck inside on my own all day with nothing to do. I dont know. God this is long. I wont be suprised if it isnt put up! LoL. Oh well, it felt good to get al this off my chest even if it is for nothing.
*Lita* 16, UK