How would you explain yourself to someone
who doesn't have depression?
If I tell
people that I am depressed and they ask
me what its like I tell them that
it makes me feel tired and I cant
be bothered to do anything. I just want
everyone to leave me alone and I cant
eat properly. Its like a big black
cloud pushing on me. I dont really
know how else to explain it. It makes me
feel useless and that Im no good. I
can only think of negative things when Im
How long have you been depressed?
been depressed for about 4 years now.
Since I was about 12. I noticed that I
was behaving differently to everyone else.
Are you on any medication? If so, which?
not on any medication; I feel that it
doesnt do anything to me. All I
seem to get is side effects. They make me
How does your family feel about your
doesnt say anything to me. They
know what I have been through and they
are always acting like nothing has ever
happened. My mum did say the other day
that she knows when I have bad days but
she says nothing to me. She never even
asks me how I am. My sister couldnt
careless and I dont have a dad.
Q5.) When did you first notice yourself becoming depressed
and when did you know that youre "just being down" was
noticed that I was feeling depressed when
I went into hospital. I just sort of
denied that I was depressed. But I
suppose I knew that I was depressed when
I just felt horrible all the time. It
just wouldnt go away. It was
pushing me further and further down. I
just couldnt get up. I realised it
was something more when I knew I couldnt
control it so I started to control my
eating. I became anorexic. Thats
when my real problems started.
Q6.) Many people who have been diagnosed with depression
have many different ways of dealing with their feelings.
What are some of the ways you dealt with your emotions?
At first when I was
depressed I controlled my food and just
lost control of that. When I was in
hospital I was encouraged to eat. After a
while I wasnt in control anymore so
I started making myself sick. It was all
about food the whole time. If I were
upset I would eat biscuits, toast,
crisps, whatever I could fid basically
and then go and throw up. I became in
control again. I would cut my arms too. I
did this when I got found out about
puking up after my meals.
I just couldnt live
with who I was.
I got put into hospital for
taking overdoses, that and being anorexic
was the main reasons I was in hospital. Im
not sure if taking an overdose is trying
to deal with my emotions though?
Q7.) Do you think the world will treat you differently
because of your depression?
NO people dont care,
not that Im asking them to or
anything. It just sometimes makes me
angry when someone has a broken leg and
people are like you poor thing it must be
awful but if you tell them that you have
other problems they look at you in a
I mean its not their
fault but I just wished that someone
could understand what was really going on.
Q8.) Are you (or have you ever been) in any sort of
counselling/therapy? If so, how do you feel it works for you?
I have been and still am
having counselling/therapy. When I was in
hospital the main focus was for the
adolescents to have therapy sessions.
Like art, music, drama. My therapist was
drama and I hated it. I think he scared
me too. But I just didnt like it
and mucked around most of the time.
Now that Im out of
hospital I see a lady at a normal
hospital. Shes really good. I feel
a lot more comfortable with her. It can
sometimes be scary talking about your
past and I sometimes cry but it has to
come out otherwise I will go down again.
What advice do you have for people
struggling with depression?
I think the only thing that
I can say is if they havent already
got help and know that they are depressed
get help today, even if you feel stupid
or that no-one understands. Go for it. I
wish I had gotten help sooner and maybe I
would be in the mess that Im in now.
So I would say get help before you get
And if you are getting help
dont be afraid to ask for more help.
Tell them want you want and how your
feeling. They will have a much better
understanding of you then. Also try and
help yourself. Write things down and show
it to them. Just dont struggle
alone weather you already have help or
Q10.) Do you have any friends with depression? If so, do
you feel you can be more open with them?
I have a
very special friend who I met at the
hospital and she is in the same situation
as me. So I could probably tell her
everything. I wouldnt care how
stupid I would think it may sound to her
I would just get it out. She could give
me advice on anything and I try to do the
same for her. Ive never met someone
so special and caring in all my life and
to me she is number one. Shes
always there for me. Because she
understands it is easier for me to talk
to her rather than odd people at college.